Mom grounds 15-year-old daughter for 4 months and bans her from her cheerleading competition after she mocked 16-year-old classmate for having reading problems: 'You’ll also apologize to Zoey in front of the [youth] group'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 17, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Grounding is such a subjective part of parenting. My parents were never the type to ground me or my sister for months on end; it usually took not letting us go to a singular function to learn our lesson. But then again, I don't think we ever did anything worth months and months of penance. I accidentally broke my sideview mirror by hitting a tree, but that wasn't an act done out of malice or cruelty. Kids should be able to make mistakes without being punished as if they're repeat offenders in the criminal justice system. 

Sometimes, an intense grounding is given after an incredibly minor transgression. Who else remembers the YouTuber family 8 Passengers? The mom took away their teenage son's bed for months because he pranked his younger brother into thinking the family was taking a trip to Disneyland. Imagine sleeping on a bean bag for months because you dared to tell a joke.

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  • This story follows a teen who made one bad decision after another and, as a result, got grounded for 4 months. Although it seems like her mom's intentions are in the right place, and most commenters agree that her daughter deserves the punishment, others are conflicted on whether her methodology will produce actual results. 

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    via Scotty Turner

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for not letting my daughter go to her cheer competition and grounding her for four months?

    I (42F) attend church regularly and have a 15-year-old daughter named Abby. Abby is part of the church's youth group, and I sometimes volunteer as a youth leader.
    via u/Scary_Inevitable959u
  • 03
    There's a girl in the group named Zoey (16F) who lives with her grandparents. During one session, we were taking turns. reading from the Bible. Each time it was Zoey' turn, she asked to skip. Initially, I let her skip because I thought she might have anxiety.
    via u/Scary_Inevitable959u
  • 04
    However, after the fifth time she asked to skip, I told her we couldn't keep skipping her turn. When she started reading, it became clear she struggled significantly, mispronouncing many words. Later, I learned that Zoey' only learned how to read around age 12, so she's still working on her literacy skills. Halfway through, I told Zoey' she didn't have to continue reading.
    via u/Scary_Inevitable959u
  • 05
    Later, I found out that Abby had been making fun of Zoey for her reading difficulties. She would sarcastically ask Zoey to read things, like words on posters, and would exaggerate stumbling over words when reading aloud to mock her.
    via u/Scary_Inevitable959u
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    I didn't know this was happening until one day, I walked into the kitchen and found Zoey crying on her grandmother's lap, explaining Zoey' Abby had been saying to her. Zoey' then told me everything, and I promised I would handle it.
    via u/Scary_Inevitable959u
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    When Abby and I got home, I asked her about it. She admitted to making the comments but dismissed them as harmless and "not a big deal." Abby is on her school's cheerleading team and had a competition coming up, so I told her, "If it's not a big deal, then it won't be a big deal for you to miss the competition this weekend."
    via u/Scary_Inevitable959u
  • 09
    Abby froze and started pleading with me, saying, "You have to let me go! It's different-what I did wasn't a big deal. Everyone is counting on me. Don't do this to me!"
    via u/Scary_Inevitable959u
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    I told her, "If it wasn't a big deal, then you'll explain to your team why you're not going. Tomorrow, you'll also apologize to Zoey in front of the group and write her a note to express your regret." Abby started pleading with me, asking me not to make her do it.
    via u/Scary_Inevitable959u
  • 11
    She screamed at me, "Mom, a hole!" | you're being a replied, "You just earned yourself a grounding on top of this." She stormed into her room, slammed the door, and punched a hole in the wall. At that point, I decided to ground her for four months.
    via u/Scary_Inevitable959u
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    I later spoke to Zoey's grandmother to explain the situation and how I handled it. She agreed that the consequences I gave Abby were appropriate and would help her understand the impact of her actions.
    via u/Scary_Inevitable959u
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    mustang19671967 • 15h ago Top 1% Commenter Also tell her to watch YouTube on fixing a hole in the wall (pretty easy) and say here are your tools and supplies. The painting will come later
    via u/mustang19671967
  • 15
    Ornery-Platypus-1 Exactly. Plus, the daughter is pretty lucky she hit a spot where it was only drywall (and not drywall with a stud behind it).
    via u/Ornery-Platypus-1
  • 16
    Disastrous_Pan_2015 As a person who was bu lied by a fellow peer, don't have her do a public apology, for me a teacher made that happen during class and not only did it mortify me but it also brought attention to the issue and created more bu ies towards me. Other than that I think it's a fair punishment and she needs to learn that actions have consequences, I know a lot of teams have a code of conduct towards their players so maybe discuss with her coach about it as well.
    via u/Disastrous_Pan_2015
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    Dixieland_Insanity I agree with you. I also think having her hand a written apology to a child with the reading deficits Zoey has may not be the kindest thing either.
    via u/Dixieland_Insanity
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    ittinatime I thought the same, just a private apology, maybe with both guardians present and a promise to leave her alone.
    via u/ittinatime
  • 19
    anthrocultur This this this. Every time my bu ies were made to apologize in front of others, it just made everything worse. The bu lies are ped because they were put on the spot and embarrassed, but also emboldened if that was the only 'punishment' (it often was) so they intensify the torment. Some kids who witness the apology will now see the victim as a target and buy them as well. Others are friends of the original bu ies and bu y the target to back them up. Some possible targets want to avoi
    via u/anthrocultur
  • 20
    OP, making the bu y apologize to the victim publicly will only make the victim's situation worse. It doesn't teach your daughter anything, and she might well slip what she was bu ying the girl about into the apology, which will definitely get her bu ied more. Please make her apologize in private or write a letter, which you will read before delivering. Make her redo or rewrite it until it's appropriate.
    via u/anthrocultur
  • 21
    Shot-Artichoke-4106 • 15h ago NTA, but in addition to punishment, your daughter needs to develop some empathy, anger management, and coping techniques. I don't think a 4 month grounding is going to accomplish that. Also, that seems like a 4 month grounding is unrealistic, so you will likely let her off the hook early after she's learned nothing. It seems to me that a shorter duration grounding combined with somethings to help her become a better person might be in order. Maybe something where sh
    via u/Shot-Artichoke-4106
  • 22
    And I agree with the others that Zoey's grandmother's opinion about your approach is not relevant. This is your daughter who behaved badly and it is your responsibility to help her become a better person.
    via u/Shot-Artichoke-4106
  • 23
    Groovy YaYa This. I'd want to know my child's internal motivation for doing this. Not that any sort of feeling, etc. is an excuse for tormenting another human being, but finding out what she was feeling inside so that you can teach her not only empathy and compassion but healthier, non- harmful coping mechanisms. She punched a hole in drywall! Abby has some deep feelings about SOMETHING. 4 months of isolation isn't going to help THAT.
    via u/GroovyYaYa
  • 24
    Slight-Book2296 NTA. What Abby did was pretty cruel, and grounding her seems like a solid way to show her the consequences of her actions. It was a harsh move, but honestly, it seems like she needs it.
    via u/Slight-Book2296
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    HopefulPlantain5475 What really gets me is that even when faced with the consequences, she still didn't admit that what she did was cruel and wrong. Very concerning behavior for someone her age.
    via u/HopefulPlantain5475
  • 26
    Crippled_Criptid ESH. Your daughter is the asshple for obvious reasons. Zoe isn't the a hole at all. I agree fully with your punishment for your daughter. The only small 'Y TA' aspect for you, is for insisting that Zoe read aloud, after making it clear she was uncomfortable doing so. You saying something like 'we can't keep skipping our turn' is something I'd expect a parent to say to a toddler, not a teenager. It's patronising and unnecessary. You already knew that
    via u/Crippled_Criptid
  • 27
    she might have issues that make her very afraid of reading aloud (you said you thought she might have anxiety or something). So why keep insisting, despite acknowledging that there may be a reason for her hesitation? If it's really a big deal that 1 person doesn't read aloud (which I don't think that is a big deal but that's just me) then you should have waited til the session was over and talked to Zoe privately about if she has any personal issues that are why she's afraid to read aloud. Inste
    via u/Crippled_Criptid
  • 28
    Also, small Y T A because I feel like there must have been signs that your daughter is a bu y. I can't imagine that this is suddenly the first and only instance of behaviour like this from her. You should be very concerned about if she was raised to act like this, or if this is a new behaviour. And if it's new, you should be much more concerned, and put in some serious effort to find out why she's suddenly a huge bu y and change that behaviour before it becomes ingrained in her forever... You do
    via u/Crippled_Criptid
  • 29
    Icy-Performer571 I am sure if her cheerleading coach knew what she did she would also bench your daughter. But make sure there is more than just grounding. Otherwise your daughter may start doing worse. She is a bu y. Talk to the school and counselor about resources for bu ies, therapy, etc. You daughter did not start with tormenting this girl, she has been doing it for a while to other kids and you only cared when it affected your standing in church. So step up and be a parent.
    via u/Icy-Performer571

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family drama reading mother read grandma parenting good parenting cheerleaders church family daughter parent grandmother mom parents grounded raising teens
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